he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
