Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
