Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(252): View more from North Carolina

just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting

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(516): View more from New York

the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"

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(937): View more from Ohio

wtf. i just found you're porn stash.

(1-937): View more from Ohio

u like it?

(937): View more from Ohio

NOT THE POINT.

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(785): View more from Kansas

It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...

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(519): View more from Ontario

I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"

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(703): View more from Virginia

Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'

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(616): View more from Michigan

A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?

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(517): View more from Michigan

Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.

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(239): View more from Florida

I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.

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