Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
