i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
