I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
