I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
birth control should be required to get into college
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
