At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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