I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
