that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
