Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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