Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
