somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Randomize
