I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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