How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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