Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
