8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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