I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
