I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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