Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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