she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
