I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
