This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize