i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
