Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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