omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
