Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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