Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
