Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
And then he peed in my hair
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
