Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
