the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
