I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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