Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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