one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
