I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
