I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
