I love black thongs
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
