I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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