Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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