Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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