You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
