he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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