Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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