I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
