so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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