I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize