i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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