She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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