have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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