1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
