whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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