Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
