I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
