Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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