Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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