SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
