I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
