I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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