No awkward lesbian experiences without me
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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