Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
sarcasm needs its own font
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize