If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
this boner is exhausting
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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