69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
