totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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