Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
