why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
