Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
