Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
