you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
