you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize