does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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