Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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