she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
