i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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