if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
