Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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