I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
we're so committed to being not committed
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
