Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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