proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
