yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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