You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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