I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
