Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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