I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
