She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
