dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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